New ipad iphone android and ps vita porn list on its way.

After being away for quite a while due to a change in career, i am now back and currently writing a not quite definitive but maybe list, to (excuse the pun) hand held porn. The new list will include the best porn sites for i-pad and i-phone but also i will be updating the list to include android and for the first time how to get around the ps vita not being able to use flash.

On a mercenary note i have started a Comic book tattoo blog which i am adding to as of today. I am hoping to collate the best comic book tattoos i can find on the web and that are sent to me. Its very much a work in progress but is viewable in its current state here.

The above picture is part of my right leg comic book leg sleeve.

http://comicbooktattoos.blogspot.com



I listened to punk rock while i wrote this
Zero Down - It ain't over yet

Our new ink!

I have added a few of the preliminary design sketches that went on to become the two on our skin.





black ink sketches Ah Puch /modern skull flaming hotrod





Coloured pen sketches but with the wrong fire and ribcage





Still bleeding but I'm well impressed with my new ink.
It's almost a perfect copy of the drawing I did, I'm sore but pleased with result.

Sa had my design of Ah Puch branded on to her arm I am as proud as fuck.





Kudos goes to Shane of Taylors Tattoos (Martock)

Should have gone to Re-Hab. Amy Winehouse has died at age 27.

Amy Winehouse has died at the age of 27. I will hazard a guess that she has pushed the limit that little bit too far and has had the carpet pulled from under her feet. A sad tragic end to a girls life who had talent in spades and a drug habit that was ever present in her later life and clearly shows the destruction that drug use delivers when it turns to abuse.

I listened to punk rock while I wrote this: The Flying Medallions / Addict

The best IPad porn sites.

Updated post: We now have a listing on mobile xxx links which is an awesome iphone/ipad list bringing you a solid and genuine selection of the best sites for porn in your hands, their link is in the gadget bar to your right. We have a new sponsor and another porn link for the iPad. There is a banner at the bottom of this post for Dv8ted dating it's free to join and peruse so check it out. Redtube has been added to the list, but I have to mention that you need to verify your age with a valid credit card, which will then bill you about $30 at the end of a month period if you haven't cancelled it. Just thought I'd warn you all.

So most of the hits I'm getting are in relation to iPad porn so I thought I'd make a definitive list of the best porn sites that are iPad compatible. So here goes. I will give this an update from time to time but I'm hoping these sites will leave this subject done and dusted, then I can get back to berating and bitching about stuff in my own grumpy anti social way.

extreme tube

xvideo

Tube8

Youporn

Red tube

And if you are looking for HD porn streamed straight to your iPhone or iPad I suggest you sign up here. Digital playground are ignoring Steve Jobs ridiculous anti porn on the iPad stance and tailoring a specific iPad/iPhone version of their site. It's super polished HD porn, downloads from the site that are dropped straight into itunes (no pain in the ass converting) and a pretty cool iphone style interface. Check out the free HD trailer on their homepage. You did buy an iPad for the HD didn't you? Digital Playground have given us a link so you can try out the whole site for 3 days for $1 which is cheaper than a crack whore and much safer.

Brand new tube site for ipad/iphone from Digital Playground

Update on this post Digital Playground have given us a "scene from a new movie" link that is iPad, iPhone and PS3 compatible. Not only that but this link has 3 different payment options that are really good value like 50% of membership and monthly membership for less than $8 which is fucking cheap. Plus to say thanks for all of you who have signed up to digital playground in the last couple of months (cheers for that) there is a movie bonus of 700+ HD films for download. This is the best deal I could get for you all and I doubt there is a better one out there for HD porn.

Digital Playground swanhater deal




- I listened to punk rock while I wrote this
NOFX / vanilla sex

Don't you just love these emails?

Hi !!!!!
On 5 Apr 2011, at 13:26, Natalya natasolnce @yahoo.com wrote:


My letter will be  surprise  to you  .
But I think you will very happy that you see my letter.
I'm looking for a serious relationship!
My name is Natalya . I am 26  old. I don't have a children.
And I was not married. I am a lonely girl. and you?
I will send you my picture.
I have to just wait on you and your images.
Natalya

Here is my reply although I have not received a reply back yet:(



Thank you Natayla for your lovely email, you were indeed correct, I was happy to see it. It is hilarious and has cheered me up. I am unfortunately already in a serious relationship but am more than happy to help you as you seem so chipper and went to the trouble of emailing me. I was pleased to see that you don't have the children as I have some already and although I'm very fond of them they can be expensive and noisy. I am sad to read you are lonely though. If you are lucky I might be able toget you work in our local massage parlour ;) where i am certain all of the employees come from a similar place to you. Failing that the local Tesco seems to be the next port of call for you. I'm hoping this finds you well and any more info you require just ask.
Ps: what a superb palm tree in your picture, a fine specimen of an underrated arboreal king.

S. Hater

Another iPad compatible porn site for you all.

Just a quick update today but another fully compatible iPad porn site cherry picked from the bullshit ones. This one is for all you freaks out there as it's a bit more extreme than the others.

extreme tube

On a serious note I'm ashamed to be English watching those fucking hippy cunts smashing up shops in London today while people die in libya for the freedom you spit at. Organized anarchists groups? Oxymoron anyone? If this stupid country wasn't so pc the cops you were throwing ammonia filled light bulbs at would be smashing your vapid cunt heads in all night long.

Rock the casbah

Salutes and kudos to the Egyptian people. I'm not going to trivialise the plight of the Egyptians with my words so head over to SandMonkey
for the truth.


- I listened to punk rock while I wrote this.
Rock the casbah / The Clash

Worth really??? Prize Giveaway!!!!!

My site is worth$1,980.66Your website value?

This is what bizinformation.org have worked out to be the worth of this blog. Nice almost two thousand dollars for a handful of posts. So who wants to buy it? Nobody? Lol. Every site That calculates a websites "worth" seems to be plucking figures from thin air. I chose to show the bizinformation calculation because it was one of the higher figures (also it had this neat little widgety box thing which saved me drawing a diagram)of about ten different sites I tried. How can so many sites return such differing amounts when they must be using a similar system to attain the results? This isn't a Scooby Doo type mystery I'm guessing, I just thought I'd throw this puzzle out there to anyone who has an answer or idea. I'm sure we can send out a prize for the best one. (prize will probably be pointless and of little worth although depending on how many if any people respond I'm sure something more fancy pants will be available)

So i had to buy an Ipad, how no flash player for the iPad led me to seeing a hot dog in a bun anal masterpiece, AV security suite removal help

So on a recent shopping trip, a quick stop at the very crowded Apple store ended up in me walking out with an iPad. I thought I'd have a look at the iPad, but alas everyone had a child playing air hockey or a member of some form of european coach party, sweaty finger mashing the screens. I am an impatient person by default and have a dislike for too many people near me in shops, so I spent a couple of minutes peering over shoulders and sighing audibly to no avail. After seeing that the iPad was indeed a giant iPhone and also pretty fucking cool (I am also quite shallow) I thought fuck this waiting I'll just buy one. About 10 minutes later I walked out of the Apple store with the last iPad they had left nice!

















So looking for HD apps and a work around to the lack of a flash player for my newly procured iPad I read that the porn site tube8 was not only the first ipad porn site viewable on the iPad but had indeed sorted out the lack of a flash player. As I once made a decent living as an Internet porn baron I felt obliged due to the never heard of "porn baron code" to check out the impressive claims in the article. Upon arriving at tube8 I clicked the link for the "nastiest gang bang ever" already dismissing the title as blatant exaggeration and too bold a statement for any one to ever type. I was indeed correct but I defy anyone to say "I just don't want to see a girl get a hotdog in a bun fucked in her ass". So it's not the "nastiest gang bang ever" but originality and porn are not usually holding hands skipping down the road. I've reviewed more porn than most people watch in a lifetime and had pretty much resigned myself to the fact I have seen it all. Well I hadn't ever seen the genius way in which kitchen items and porn are melded here. I salute the addition of hotdog in a bun anal and the multitude of wrong uses for frying pans, strawberries and bananas here. Anyway here is the link Nastiest gang bang ever !!!

















AV security suite hmmmm what a bunch of clever motherfuckers that wrote this. I was called out to fix a computer infected with this last week and what a pain the ass it is to remove. It makes users think it's a legitimate anti virus program, changes the proxy settings on your Internet browsers and stops you from installing or running any other programs to get rid of it. There are lots of sites telling you how to get rid of it but most are touting software to buy as well so they are just as mercenary.
Right here is a quick guide to remove this shitty scare ware. I can't be bothered to be ultra detailed with this but most people should be able to follow this.

1. Go to my computer tools then change the folder options and highlight show hidden files and folders.
2. Restart your computer repeatedly hitting F8 and start your PC in safe mode with networking.
3. Go to your user account and the folder local settings, inside this folder should be one that either looks out of place or has a name made of 6 characters all jumbled up. Inside that folder will be a icon of an envelope you need to rename this. Rename it to anything you want.
4. Open your browser go to Internet options then LAN settings, uncheck the proxy server settings.
5. Use your virus software or spyware remover etc to scan your PC it should now be able to run.
6. Get some help with this last bit if not confident about changing registry keys.
the random relates to the unique name AV security suite has named itself on your PC it should be the same as the envelope icon.

%UserProfile%\Local Settings\Application Data\[random]\
%UserProfile%\Local Settings\Application Data\[random]\[random].exe
Registry values:
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\avsoft
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\avsuite
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\avsoft
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\avsuite
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\Download "RunInvalidSignatures" = "1"
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Internet Explorer\PhishingFilter "Enabled" = "0"
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Internet Settings "ProxyOverride" = ""
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Internet Settings "ProxyServer" = "http=127.0.0.1:1041"
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Associations "LowRiskFileTypes" = ".exe"
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Attachments "SaveZoneInformation" = "1"
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run ""
HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run ""
HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Internet Settings "ProxyEnable" = "1"
These keys need to be removed to get rid of AV security suite, don't fuck about with this if you are learning on the go it could end badly. There you go free advice from me.

DirectoryStorm



I listened to punk rock while I wrote this
Hotdog in a hallway/NOFX

Step 13 Flash Flood remix available for download, Yogi Bear was a kleptomanic rapist and super fucking awesome super mario ringtones for the iphone.

So instead of offending someone or something ill start this post with a mercenary request. My friends band Step 13 has their debut release Flash Flood / Runaway and its pretty fucking good. They are currently No 5 in the 7digital.com download chart and they deserve to be higher, the tracks are only a quid so check out the FREE remix below and if its your thing follow the link and procure yourself some of the finest “Broc’n’roll” Drum and Bass inspired beats giving you 100% live drums and some intimidating leftfield dance sucker punches.


FLASH FLOOD (HUE JAH FINK REMIX) PROMO

Step 13 debut release Flash Flood / Runaway




So look at Boo-Boo look at his little smile. He is dreaming a wonderful dream, of a time before he was kidnapped, forced into a life of picnic crime and used as a bear plaything by the hat wearing ass rapist Yogi. We all watched, but chose to ignore the truth in-front of our very eyes shame on us, shame on us all.



So anyone who knows me is aware my geeky love of all things Nintendo and Super Mario. So mooching around on the internet instead of working i found a site with original super mario tunes made into iphone ringtones.Unzip the rar file and drag and drop them into your itunes ringtone folder and a whole feast of retro ringtones are yours for free. Which is good because apple think its ok to charge 99p for a 30 second, seemingly random edit of a dull generic/popular song. The ringtones on itunes are no different to Yogi raping poor Boo-Boo night after night.

Super Mario Ringtones

Yellow light of death, The ballard of gay Tony, selling a house and the parasitic Ginger family on £43000 of benefits who make me sick!

Confronted with the beep beepy noise, then the yellow light, some clicky sounds and back to flashing red. I stared at my PS3. I know what the yellow light of death is and to say I'm not happy is, well an understatment of Godzilla proportions. Not only has the solder melted inside my PS3 my copy of Modern Warfare 2 is stuck in the drive like a fat fucking Floridian in a Disneyland turnstile. So no more trash talking citizens of the world whilst trying to shoot them in the face. I only got around to playing it a couple of weeks ago and was loving multi player like a crack whore loves smoking the pipe wearing one shoe and an Ill fitting bra, maybe a strange hat too. I phoned Sony to tell them my PS3 is dead and I want it fixed. "They want 130 fucking pounds off you" my inner voice shouted in my head. The offer didn't seem so bad when they explained I would recieve, the next day a brand new 160 gig machine. My Modern Warfare 2 disk will take 6 weeks to return to my loving arms "is it going to walk back itself then" I asked? "Sony will take apart your machine and check the fault, which takes 4-6 weeks." I took it apart and put it back together in about an hour, although had no luck retrieving the disk. So how many machines are fucked out there? More than Sony are letting on I guess, unless there is only one tech guy checking the dead PS3's inbetween huffing gas and melting solder in those tiny ovens which it seems is all it takes to fix the problem with most machines.



The Ballard of gay Tony is taking up my limited free time at the moment and Liberty City is still as awesome as ever and Rockstar continue to be something Great Britain should be incredibly proud of.




Selling a house with no chain should be easy. Well it turns out it isn't thanks to the buyers solicitor. I can't wait for this albatross to be lifted from my neck. Completion should be done by the middle of next week a whole month after the original completion date, which is good because I'm fed up paying the mortgage for an empty house.


This post was originaly going to be about a Ginger family who think that it's ok to get £43000 a year in benefits to support their 7 Ginger kids after their dad gave up work to sponge off of me and the rest of this countries tax paying citizens. I lost the magazine which the story was in so I am unable to shame these fucking lazy cunt parasites by name. They make me sick, not just because the mum was a massive fat ugly bucket cunt beast but because they blatently championed their right, for me to pay for them to do nothing but churn out pathetic flame haired spunk accidents. The cherry on the top of this cake is that this palid faced blob monster wants 7 more humans to drop out of her gargantuan gash for us to pay for. Steralise this pointless lardy mess now and castrate her sperm chimp husband. I have a friend interested in selling tickets and making a public specticle of it. I would consider this a fantastic day out for all the family.


- Posted with indifference.

The Playstation Move Controller looks like a clown penis, yes i want a fucking carrier bag, Corey Haim and his lame prescription drug death and NOFX

The Playstation Move motion controllers look like a bastard hybrid of a wiimote and a clowns cock. That doesn't mean i wont buy them i will but look at it. It looks pretty cool up to the coloured ping pong ball tip. I am sure it houses all of the fancy pants motion controlling stuff but it looks fucking stupid and i hate it.


I just can't take another shopping trip which ends at the checkout with some mentally deficient cake face asking me "do you want bags?" when i clearly do want bags. Of course i want bags to put my food shopping in you stupid red faced inbred cunt i cant carry it all in my fucking arms can i. On a plus note i did get £10.04 change back from the £30.30 i gave the checkout beast for a bill which came to £30.23 which was nice.

Oh Corey Haim you died fat, drug abuse bloated and at your mums house. That's up there with all the other rubbish celebrity deaths of late (Alexander McQueen, Brittney Murphey that pedophile Michael Jackson). Way to waste your life and talent fella.

I listened to punk rock while i wrote this.
Whoops i OD'ed/NOFX

My finest hour on the Internet

I visited the iPhone porn site mobileboner and along with boring generic porn there was this button for chat. Like a pig after truffles I couldn't resist the temptation to be a virtual asshole and see what dregs slither about looking for the mythical desperate for loving female to hurl socially inept virginal comments at, in the hope they meet a real girl who will then be their girlfriend and sucky fuck them out of their mums house and back into the sunlight in a shower of rays to tan their palid mole like faces. This will never happen for most of these shut in's and here is the proof that the human race will once again become monkeys.
Below is an excert of my chat I have claimed to be a girl and have been asked if I want cock the rest is my finest chat ever.
anonymous: swan are you a girl do u want cock?
Swanhater says: Um I dunno is it magical?
Swanhater says: If I lick it will I get a disease that makes me punch your balls till you pass out?
anonymous: So how bout u suck me off
anonymous: No i don't have diseases
Swanhater says: How about you suck off yourself while I watch "Mrs Doubtfire" with Robin Williams
anonymous: Can I shove my dick up ur ass?
Swanhater says: Mmmm I'll watch that whilst dressed as harry potter
anonymous: Can I?
Swanhater says: No way it's not normal you magical beasts are all the same
anonymous: Fine in ur pussy?
Swanhater says: Plus last time I had wizard rash for weeks and stars kept falling from my ass
Swanhater says: Pussy is ok guess
Swanhater says: Mine is rotten though
anonymous: Can I cum inside u?
Swanhater says: Dumbledoor and his rancid cock did that
anonymous: Can u blow my cock?
Swanhater says: Yes please So your troglodite seed can mutate in me mmmmmm
Swanhater says: Blow yes like haggrids wind I'll blow mmmm
anonymous: How bout suck?
anonymous: so?


I'm proud to expose the bullshit that men are willing to ignore. The common sense they obviously no longer possess and the migration of any brain power to their crotch because the obscure blantently obvious piss taking comments are coming from a "female"

Here is the link to mobileboner Admin chat history although it's really not worth reading. Apparently no one in there wanted to talk to me about Steven Tomlinksons African Balloon Adventure.
http://chatter.flooble.com/hist.php?id=354155&page=4


- Posted with indifference.

Alexander McQueen commits suicide, Captain Phil Harris dies, reality tv shows I like and Propaghandi.

So Alexander McQueen is dead. Found today in his Mayfair home after comiting suicide. What a sad waste of talent. I guess it goes to show that having everything means nothing if you are deeply unhappy, which I'm presuming he was to take his own life. I'm awaiting all the quotes of "fashion will never be the same again..." " we have lost a great designer... " "he was deeply troubled..." to start speeding across the ticker tape thing at the bottom of sky news, to the point i don't care or start counting in my head how many times a minute they rotate the same messages. Desperately wanting something more horrific to have happened so the messages will change. I have an obsession with news sites, tv news and news apps. I must check the news more than 30 times a day, I really should work harder or check the news less, one of the two.
That brings me onto Captain Phil Harris who sadly died yesterday. Firstly I hate fish as a food. I dislike the taste, texture and smell. I don't care for crab as a food either. Infact I hate boats and trips I have made on them, it's all over the place and am a bigger fan of cars and planes as a form vehicular transport, but I love Deadliest Catch and I loved watching the chain smoking salty sea dog Captain Phil and his crew which includes his two sons catch king crabs. Infact I like "swords" the reality show about swordfish fishermen. I like "Sharkmen" about fishermen and a couple of nerdy scientists who tag sharks. I like "Big Brother/Celebrity Big Brother" About a bunch of gormless sycophantic fame hungry talentless pricks in a house. I even like "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" about bottom of the barrel z list celebrities eating bugs and being made to look like cunts for a few weeks. But most of all I like "Deadliest Catch" and Captain Phil Harris, i will miss watching you fella.

I listened to punk rock while I wrote this.

Dear Coach's Corner/Propaghandi




- Posted with indifference.

2010 it's a bit like 2009, Piano playing big headed whore pig from hell, Lazy English people are nicer when it snows and Good Riddance.

So 2010 started, and as I watched the montage of fireworks displays from around the world thinking "wow what a load of shit this is" it got worse. As I tried desperatley to topple the London Eye and give the crowd aids and cancer with only the power of my already very hazy mind a terrible thing happened. Myleen Klass infected my screen to talk to frozen northeners pushed against barriers there to celebrate some colourful bangs and mass cheering for... I'm not sure, being squashed in the cold with other equally stupid people?Am I alone in thinking that she is well a bit shit? I don't know, maybe I'm bias because I dislike people whose heads are too big for their bodies, she mocks the laws of physics and I'm sure she is a minion of Jane Asher, who incase you didn't know is the Antichrist.
So a little bit of snow and England shuts down. It's a few inches of snow!!! Not that I care it seems the snow is enough to make strangers engage in snowball fights instead of ignoring each other. Even the sunny delight drinking, stab happy, hoody bad boys who stand in the doorway next to the shop at the top of my road offered to help push my car last night. So everyone shirks work, but we are a nation of lazy cunts anyway so that's not new, but the snow making everyone a bit happier that's the money shot. Also I have seen plenty of people fall over which resulted in me laughing out loud in real time for a change, and laughing at others misfortune really cheers me up.

I listened to punk rock while I wrote this.
Weight of the World/Good Riddance

- Posted with indifference.

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas, The worst christmas TV show ever and Star Fucking Hipsters.

So it's Christmas Eve the only night of the year when parents champion the idea that a fat reclusive man with a penchant for little children will break into your house and empty his sack into their bedrooms.
Anyway as it's Christmas Eve i thought it fitting to mention the worst Christmas TV show ever. You may or may not know that it is Star Wars Holiday Special. This is not just the worst Christmas TV show ever its one of the worst things to be filmed ever. Below is the abomination in its entirety, on a plus note you do get to see a wookie with tits if you like that kind of thing.

So Merry Christmas and a happy New Year cunts.

I listened to punk rock while i wrote this
Only Sleep/Star Fucking Hipsters

Brittany Murphy, the worst cup of coffee ever, 2012 and wrecktrospective.

When i heard Brittany Murphy was dead yesterday morning the first thing that my mind came up with was DRUGS. When hearing that it was a heart attack the same word rang in my head. Instantly my mind mind raced with all the possibilties of the worst death you could have in Hollywood. I know i am not alone in this way of thinking. Brittany Murphy dying is terrible she was the same age as me and its no age to die, and i feel sympathy for her family i really do. The media is rife with speculation of eating disorders and drug abuse but its all a bit thin on proof. Sadly i am a sadist and as sad as her death is what happened to the fantastic Hollywood death? John Belushi died from being up for 3 days shooting up cocaine and heroin, the night he died he was visited in his hotel room by friends Robin Williams and Robert De Niro. 2 months later Cathy Smith admitted to injecting John Belushi with the fatal speedball, Jayne Mansfield almost decapitated in a car crash, Dominique Dunne one of the stars of "Poltergeist" was strangled to death by her boyfriend whilst the music from"Poltergeist "played in the background, Phil Hartman was murdered by wife while he slept. His wife later returned to the murder scene and blew her brains out, Elvis Presley died on the toilet fat washed up and bloated reading "The Scientific Search for the Face of Jesus". These are the Hollywood deaths i want to see everyone seems to be dying of misuse of prescription drugs or disease this is not the Hollywood i have come to know and love.
Yesterday i took my car to the dealership to be fixed it needed a new tyre, brake pads, piston and disk. The staff were courteous, friendly and helpful. The coffee i had while i waited for a cab to pick me up was the shittiest skank i have ever had the misfortune to drink, no lie it was disgusting to the point i believe it might be a secret bitter as burnt whore batch made by a disgruntled employee.
I watched 2012 last night it made my coffee i had earlier that day seem like Moun Salwa from heaven.

I listened to punk rock while i wrote this.
Wrecktrospective/Fat Wreck Chords

Lies, time travel and punk rock.

Every one lies. A bold statement but true all the same. I'm a liar you're a liar we are all liars. Today I remembered a story I read years ago about John Titor who had travelled back from the future to pick up some IBM computer that NASA needed. He then frequented some IRC chatrooms and answered and dodged questions about the future. I know instantly it sounds like bullshit, if you have the ability to build and use a time machine, I'm guessing you don't need some 70's computer components so desperatly that you would risk sending someone back who could theoreticly destroy your existence. Anyway what I forgot was how great a story it was and how much I had enjoyed reading it. The site below has all the transcripts of John Titor chat logs, even though he is possibly mental and a fake, he is also pretty intelligent and imaginative with it. Imagine terminator mixed with back to the future told by a science teacher who likes the glass pipe and narcissism.
http://www.johntitor.com
This is the direct polarisation of what I think about the abhorent news I read every day. A recent story I read about a Brazillian boy who had 50 needles stuck into him by his cunt step father to ward away demons or some other equally retarded reason, angered me all day and still does days later. I would be more than happy to exact out the same to him, as I imagine most people would.
You can read the article here



I listened to punk rock while I wrote this.
Speed of mutation/screeching weasel.